


Love is

by rellanim



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rellanim/pseuds/rellanim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, you ask yourself why you still love him after all this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is

Sometimes, you ask yourself why you still love him after all this time. Sometimes, it hurts to think. It hurts to know your heart isn't yours. There’s an empty space inside you ever since you gave your heart to him—and then, let him take it though you didn't truly know if he loves you enough to take good care of it. But you still gave it and now you're wondering why you still love him when you're heartless. 

He betrayed you, hurt you in a way you thought you could have died from the pain and you still remember how your chest felt like being cut in pieces and your lungs forgetting how to breathe properly. There are nights when you even forget the sound of your name and all you could hear is Geng, Geng, Geng. 

You don't know why you still love him, and maybe that's okay since love isn't meant to be understandable. Love is indefinable. Love is this and that. You cannot articulate love with other words except his name. Love is Han Geng.

(Not Siwon. Not Jay. Not Mithra. Not Gunhee.)

One night he calls, "Heechul." And you answer with his name. And then, you realize love starts with Geng and ends with Heechul. 

He calls, sends letters and albums and texts you but distance never fails to make you miss him. You miss him even though he's still talking to you, even if you hear his voice through the phone. The vision of him in your brain as you imagine him talking isn't enough. But, maybe this is love too.

You always hated China because he chose it over you. You're nothing over China. But you realize he needs China the way you need Korea and Heebum and Super Junior. But on the days when he comes back to you, or when you go to China and see him, the names of this places don't even matter, the way it didn't the first time you knew about his ethnicity, not even the decisions nor the people who say this isn't love, this is a delusion, but the moment of seeing love again in person. 

"Saranghae," he says. Not wo ai ni. Because though he chose China, he chose you too.

**Author's Note:**

> (for Kai, my baobei, Nov. 25, 2014)


End file.
